woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
