be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
