How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
