Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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