I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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