I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I could make wine with my vomit
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
