I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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