Operation Purity has been aborted
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's never too late to be topless.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
