I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
not ubering you a puppy
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
