I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Enjoy the penises
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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