You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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