apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Damn victory sex feels great
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
