Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
