Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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