Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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