So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
