i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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