Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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