I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
