This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
