Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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