My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
