saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize