so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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