Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
