I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
