I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
