What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
last night I used snow as a chaser
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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