Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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