She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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