i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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