life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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