Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
