her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
