He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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