I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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