I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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