I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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