I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
