Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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