Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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