Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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