My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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