I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
