Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
a search helicopter?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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