Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
no, he came in my armpit
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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