is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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