if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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