Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
