Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
