I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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