i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
