I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
