yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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