Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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