then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
