The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
