I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
