it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
