Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
