hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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