a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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