Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
