The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
