I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
