i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize