I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
