Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
