and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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