I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
