dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
