things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
