Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
