Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
